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    A Clean Slate

    Tuesday, December 30, 2014

    Yesterday was the day.

    The day to decompress, reorganize and clean out all that was the clutter of the Holidays and of 2014 in general. I do this every year at about this time.

     My hands find themselves busy, tangibly working toward something that I can feel crowding in my heart.

     I took down trees, dusted shelves high enough that required a ladder and washed windows. I even bought one of those fancy organizer units and compartmentalized the kids toys. It was all getting to me. In my narrow mind it had to be done now. No waiting on another day.

    And since I'm being completely honest here I'll go ahead and tell you that I called in the reinforcement, aka Grandma. She's good at this sort of thing and Mama knew she needed some help.

     Along the way there were the typical messes of the everyday: spilled milk, laundry piles and sibling fights. There might have been a proclomation to put everyone to bed at 6 pm if the fighting didn't stop. There might not have been too. I'm just pitching that out there as food for thought.

     I might have been a bit intense as I "decompressed." Because my process of freeing the heart to sing and the home to have white space probably needs a little work in itself. Everybody knows that it's no fun when mama is on edge. Beware of the woman who carries a duster in her hand.

     So I worked diligently, excited for the end in sight. Anxious to be rid of the anxiousness in my heart. 

    At the end of the day after dinner was eaten and bath's were given and I was just about done with the day, the kids asked if we could play Old Maid. The truth is that I really wanted to wait on the silly card game.

    But deep in my mind I knew better than deny two tiny pleading faces the chance to put the smack down on the old folks with their mad card playing skills. So we played.

    The more we played, the more we laughed and I could feel my anxiety leaving.

    With every deep from the belly laugh, the tension began to ease, muscles began to relax and as I looked around late after the kids had gone to bed, I realized that there was way more gone than a Christmas tree and a house full of clutter.

    I stood for a moment and relished the fact that even in my messed up, jumbled up state of mind yesterday, God had sent me just what I needed. And what I needed was a clean slate in my heart, not only one that I could see with my eyes. I needed one I could feel in my bones.

    My prayer lately has been that God will help me to be a mother who doesn't sweat the small stuff so much. One who sits down to play the Old Maid and belly laughs with her littles.

    One who lets the kids stay up way past bedtime because Christmas break will be over soon enough.

    One who makes cookies with them after dinner instead of rushing to clean the kitchen first.

    When the question is asked, "What do you do with your days?" I'm afraid that my answer would have to be that too much time has been wasted already on filling up the blocks on my calendar with endless tasks that wont be fruitful in the end.

    The new goal is clean it out. It's time to reorganize, refocus and shift some things.

    The white space is going to the Old Maid.

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