Overcoming

 It's been a minute since I've written anything on anxiety and that's for a good reason. It doesn't cripple me anymore. There are plenty of days that it's the farthest thing from my mind.

But if you've read anything on my little square of the world wide webs then you know that this has been my thorn in the flesh. Just like anything else that I'm overcoming (we're all overcoming at least something) it ebbs and flows. Last week it flowed a little too much for my liking. 

Here's the unfortunate thing about struggles, we don't get to pick when they hit. They just do. And that's how I found myself last week in a beautiful place with my precious family, struggling.

We had planned for a while to take our family on a cruise for spring break. What I hadn't planned for was the fact that we weren't on the ship half an hour when I felt this overwhelming feeling of panic rising steadily. That's a great way to start out a vacation. 

I know very little about the brain and mental health in general but I've picked up on a few helpful tips  over the years. Here's one of them. When a traumatic response happens, a pathway is formed in the brain and it takes approximately 10,000 repetitions to form a new neural pathway in the brain. TEN THOUSAND. That's not stated to make it sound impossible, however it goes without saying that intentionality is a must.

One thing that I do when anxiety sets in is try to get out of wherever I am. It sounds crazy, I know. Years ago though when I went through a really tough time and one of those less than desirable pathways were formed, I would wake myself up or Tim would wake me up-trying to get out of the house. I would be at work sometimes and just have to go outside. Still to this day I do not like elevators or really crowded spaces.

As a little side note I'll add that a couple of weeks ago I was hosting a bunch of teenagers at our house for big weekend. One of the activities was a scavenger hunt which landed us at Dicks at the West Town Mall. Lo and behold if my group of girls didn't get themselves stuck in an elevator for almost an hour during said scavenger hunt. You better believe that as I stood there and prayed for them to get out I also thanked my Lord that I was not in that elevator with them. Yes and amen:)

Thankfully I've been at this a while now and Ive got a few tools in my belt as to how to handle myself.  When the panic started rising last week and my body wanted to run, my mind was not going to let that happen. It also helps that my sweet steady Eddy as I call him knows exactly when something like this is looming and helps me to back off the ledge I sometimes find myself on. 

I encouraged myself in the Lord (Psalm 42, 91) I ran on the treadmill and I read and prayed a lot last week.  Those are my go to's. They work, but I do have to be really intentional about doing the things over and over again that work for me.  

By the grace of God I was able to steady myself that first day but two days later those feelings surfaced again when Bella and I were about to go on an excursion. I wanted to just cancel it. Tim encouraged me to stay the course and I'm so glad I did but it cost me a good nights sleep and some digging in God's Word for peace about the day.

Last year I had the privilege of sharing my testimony with my sweet friend Brigitte and she spoke about the importance of staying tethered to the Lord in tough times. That phrase has stuck with me in the past year and I'm finding myself more now than ever, staying tightly tethered to the Lord. There's something about these middle age years that I'm in-one can either 1) cower down in fear and your world will become small or 2) continually tether yourself to THE source of help and don't back down from intimidating situations. I've decided that continual overcoming is crucial.  

Those who know me best know that home is my happy place and I am most comfortable there. So this year I don't think it's ironic that I have got more planned than I have in a long time. Again, by the grace of God, I'll overcome. I might have to take a little medication and read Psalm 91 while doing it-but with His help I will overcome!

Here's the thing that I keep coming back to the older that I get on good days, bad days, panic days or any day in between. We might not get to choose when struggles come but we do get to choose who we trust in. I trust in Jesus. He is sovereign and He is in control. He doesn't take a day off or have a bad day and He can more than handle all of mine.

I realize that some of you might wonder why I choose to share stories such as this and I'll be real honest here. There's two reasons and the first one is that in a social media driven society we all post the pretty and the happy. I put plenty of my cute little family in the squares last week and I'll hang onto those memories forever. I'm not sorry that I did-those pictures aren't fake to me, they're real and I want to remember every little detail. But they also don't tell the whole story and I so desire to be real. It takes more than a few words sometime to get the whole picture. Pun totally intended:)

The biggest reason why I'll probably go to my grave sharing about this though is that I know so many others who struggle with this very same thing. And if I can encourage someone along the way then I am going to do it. I have been a Believer for a long time and I believe that God didn't heal me from this struggle completely for a reason. He wanted me to trust and lean on Him more and to help others along the way remember that we will all be made perfect in Heaven one day! 

And until then we can still smile. We can still have joy, adventure and overcome struggles! 

With any struggle there are going to be days of victory and days with setbacks. Just because I struggled last week doesn't mean that I'm a failure or that the Lord is asleep to my problem. He didn't take a day off and I didn't do anything wrong. I am simply on my journey to heaven and haven't been delivered of this mortal flawed body completely just yet. The struggle between the flesh and the Spirit is real and somedays I'm a little less Spirit and a little more flesh than I like. That's ok as long as I'm intentionally always moving toward the goal. 

On the last day of our cruise last week I was in a hurry and got into an elevator myself (not something I do often.) As I traveled up the decks I let my mind go to the what ifs and slowly but surely I began to laugh. And then just to maybe give the enemy a kick in the tail I rode it all the way back down to the bottom floor again. In that moment it wouldn't have mattered to me if it stopped. It was me and Jesus, overcoming.

For as long as I have on this earth, I'll encourage others that they too can one day at a time, do the same.

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Unveiling Beauty: Finding Him in the Fog

Last week as our little town began to thaw out and the snow had all gone back home, I drove home one morning fascinated by the thick fog. Because I am not deterred by small things like the fact that I wasn't yet dressed for the day (who am I kidding, I never am at this time) I pulled over to admire the beauty looking toward the lake. 

Still dressed in my robe and slippers I dared not venture too far but I was able to grab a few pictures. It was too pretty not to. 

I thought about a few of my family members going through problems too big to fix on their own. Like finding their way through the fog, they're putting one foot in front of the other and making it onward one day at a time. 

Sometimes the only way to move ahead is to refuse to look back and just continue to do the next right thing. One small choice at a time the path inches on and opens up slowly. 

Even in my own little family I find myself more often than not just begging God for wisdom almost daily. There are no diapers to change these days, no little mouths to spoon feed. But the choices to make and deciding which path to take sometimes for these older kids is no small thing. 

This morning as I drove that same road and took my kids to school I started going over the evening for today and quickly moved on to tomorrow wondering about a few logistics. I was probably starting to sound a little overwhelmed because it wasn't long before the one who now drives us most days piped in. 

"Mom, don't worry about tomorrow. We'll figure it out. Just get through today first." 

Matthew 6:34 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

It's a little humbling but also so comforting to hear your man child remind you of the principles you've taught him since he was young. Those same hands that I taught to tie shoes are now pointing to and reminding me to put into practice my Father's words. 

Sometimes I think that our children learn best from what they see us struggle with the most. My kids know the anxieties that I have to lay down daily. They know that I do best when I'm in close proximity to our Father. And at the ages the older two are now they can remind me how to make it through when figuratively speaking, the fog seems so thick.

My prayer for them-and for you today-is that you too will find Him so near. Until the skies clear and you can see clearly again, enjoy the closeness of the one who wants to surround you like a tangible mist in His sweet embrace. 

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Why We Do What We Do

For David, after he had served the purpose of God in his own generation, fell asleep and was laid with his fathers and decayed, but he whom God raised up did not decay. Acts 13:36-37

Last week we were sitting at Cracker Barrel after a loss at the state tournament when some sweet friends asked us if we'd join them at the FCA banquet. To be honest, I did not want to go because I didn't  want anything to do with sports or the like for a good while. I wanted to eat my chicken and dumplings and go home and build a fire because I'm all about the comforting myself with food and fires.

But we decided to go and were we ever in for a sweet surprise. 

Sometimes it's so easy to just get wrapped up in the rat race and forget all the reasons why it is that you do what you do. 

You get up and put on your clothes (or stay in your robe if you're me) and drive kids to school, go to work and then a few activities afterward, find something to call dinner and fall into bed just to do it all again the next day. It can all seem a little monotonous sometimes. And then when you don't get the outcome you'd hoped for like Tanner did not last week, finding purpose in what you do can be a little hard.

So when Jonathan Evans got up and spoke about this very issue the timing wasn't wasted on us. The gist of his message was his story of "Do it for Him" and that the reason we do anything that we do regardless of whether it is with sports or not-is to give God glory. 

When we do it for ourselves it is in fact all meaningless. The only reason that we're alive and breathing, on our way to heaven, moving our bodies for the purpose He's given us this side of heaven, is to bring glory and honor to the One who created us in the first place. 

Acts 13:36-37 says, "For David after serving God's purpose in his own generation, fell asleep, was buried with his fathers and decayed. But the one God raised up did not decay."

I love that David's life is recorded as serving God's purpose in his own generation. I've spent a lot of today reflecting on my own purpose and thanking God for the things He's entrusted me to do well while I'm here.

That means that the pile of socks I spent matching up this morning was time well spent because my family will indeed need them this week. It's a blessing to put socks together.

That time that I put into cooking chicken this morning and then wondered what in the world I was going to do to turn it into dinner was time well spent because my family will need to eat. Preferably something delicious but the verdicts still out on if I delivered on that one. Sometimes I get it right and more often than not I don't.

The miles that we will travel after school today taking the kids to sports and then church will be miles well spent because they're sowing seeds of worship. They're glorifying God with the gifts He's given each of them. They're serving Gods purpose in their own generation.

Even David though, in all that he did right, after serving the purposes of God in his generation he decayed.  But the One that God raised up did not decay.

At the end of the day I think that David was good at realizing it wasn't all about him anyway. He just lived, worshipped, messed up, repented and then worshipped again to serve his purpose in his time. And he spent a lot of time magnifying the One coming after him who would not decay. 

And because of Him we can live and move and have purpose in all of the little things that we do today and every day. When we make those little things about ourselves, whether they be hitting a little ball far into the distance or Ubering kids across town in a mini-van, or matching socks, or running a business or shooting a ball through a hoop, they become pointless. 

But when those things are done for Him, what we do becomes small and He is magnified. Less of us and more of Him. It's how the world see's Him in us.

It is Gods purpose for anyone's life to use the talents and gifts that He's given each of us to the best of our ability and further His kingdom with that gift until we're called home. And at the best we can do our physical bodies will decay at the end of this life. But thanks to Jesus and the power of the resurrection we will indeed one day rise in victory where death and decay will be forever defeated.

That victory gives purpose and meaning to every task, every job we will ever do this side of eternity. If we do it for Him then we live for another Kingdom. One that is so much more fulfilling than our own.

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Seek the Lord and Live

 Seek the Lord and live Amos 5:6

I remember watching a well known murder trial a few months ago. It was one of those where you couldn't help but become emotionally invested in the need for justice. My interest wasn't so much about the drama surrounding the courtroom as it was wanting to see the victim's family receive a fair minded end to their nightmare.

Such is the case in the book of Amos as he speaks prophetically to the children of Israel. The state of the nation had gone terribly awry from the way that God had originally intended. He had clearly laid out expectations for how others were to be treated in Exodus 19. But immorality had settled in and the poor were mistreated, people were sold and sexual immorality was pervasive in their land.

And as a prophet of God Amos was on a mission for justice and righteousness. 

He called for repentance and a return to all that is Godly in character. In chapter five he tells of the day of judgement that is coming and warns the people that the day of the Lord will be one of darkness and not light. There in the midst of evil he encourages the people to seek the Lord and live. Amos 5:6

Seek the Lord and live. That's the only way to ever really live.

Amos is seemingly calling God's people to a higher calling not because of any selfish concerns (I'm sure it wasn't favorable to deliver such messages in his day) but because our God is Holy. He wants all that is right for all of His people. He is not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance. (Luke 13) 

It's still the same way for us today if we will indeed seek the Lord and live as Amos challenged the Israelites to so many years ago. Those who truly know and love the Lord as Savior will not only wait for the fair end that is coming, we will also seek the Lord and live in the in between. 

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