This morning we pulled out of the driveway only a few minutes late and were doing what I thought was fairly well for the morning. Then, I remembered that shoes are essential and hadn't seen my little one wearing any when she jumped in the van.
"Bella are you wearing shoes?" I asked because we have gotten all the way to school once in recent months with this same thing happening. "No," she responded and I could tell she was a little embarrassed. We all need a lot of grace some days (or every day) so I didn't fuss about it and we went back and got the shoes.
After I dropped her off one of my sweet older ones and I had an unfortunate exchange right before she headed out of the van and off for school. Because I didn't want to hold up the line I drove away sad. That wasn't the note I wanted to leave her on.
And as I drove away I passed my son, already at school because he leaves super early most days to work out before heading to class. I'm so proud of his independence but I miss him. We're both morning people and him whistling around the house as I drink my coffee has already been replaced by his presence elsewhere.
The morning continued to tumble but for the sake of keeping a few things concealed I found myself in the gym bathroom waving my white flag and asking God for help. I should add that I don't love the gym. But I've heard it's good for my mind and maybe a few other things so I make an effort a few times a week to go.
And for me and God, it doesn't matter if I'm in the gym bathroom, my blue mini van or sitting here at home- I'm pretty good these days at asking-if not begging-for help. And that's how I found myself walking uphill at an incline of 7 this morning and a speed of 3.4 speaking encouragement back to my soul.
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Earlier this week I listened to Jackie Hill Perry's message from Passion about Hope and man. Did it ever hit home. She spoke about life circumstances and challenges that we face and how we must cling to the Hope of our Savior to make it through.
I find myself often these days talking to other mom's who are also trying to raise our families well and one common theme is the mental weight of raising teens rather than the physical energy it took to rear younger children. It's not that it doesn't take physical energy now-it very much does. There's still carpools, laundry and I very much have a sweet second grader who likes to do all of the things. So I better be physically ready too.
But the independence of the teens leads the challenges to be more of a mental weight where they're concerned. It's not that they're bad kids, they're in fact really, really precious and good kids. I couldn't be more proud of them if I tried.
But they drive now and that worries me a little. They have different dynamics in their own life that require prayer and that worries me too. I want them to follow Christ above all else. I want them to be a good friend. They're making choices right and left that will affect their futures and the questions-oh the questions about what is the best choice to make can leave your head spinning.
Because of the ever increasing pace of life we help them work through one thing and the next day there's something else. Like laundry, it's never ending. I often wonder, did my mom have to think this much?! Did she question herself and wonder about us or did she even know what was going on at the Jackson County High School half the time?! Life was different then but I do know she worried and she also prayed. My mama prayed a lot.
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Yesterday I was leading a bible study at church and there was some ruckus next door. I didn't think much of it and it got loud enough that I leaned over and asked a friend what was going on next door. "Oh that's indoor recess for the preschool," she said. My heart melted.
I walked out into the hall a little later and there went about twenty little four year olds following their teacher back to class. "Miss Susun!" One of them yelled up to her teacher. "Jackson just skipped line and traded places with Anna Beth. He shouldn't have done that!"
I stopped dead in my tracks for a minute and it seems a little silly now but it warmed my heart and my eyes filled with tears.
Oh I sometimes miss the days when I had a little blonde head and a brown one fighting for their spot in line! I miss packing those little Superhero and Barbie lunchboxes although I dreaded it at the time. There is nothing like the innocence of a child.
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Here's the thing. I really do enjoy my teenagers and my little eight year old caboose. I enjoy Tim and I'm so thankful for where we're at as a family. But that doesn't diminish the fact that the weight of them getting older and my responsibility to teach and lead them well through really good days and hard days is here and now. And so often I do not know the right thing to say or do and I have to pray and ask God for wisdom that I don't have. That is the thing that I find myself asking for more often than anything else as of late.
I have found that you can love your family so much that it hurts and in the same breath you can also worry about them and then you can pray. You can be so physically exhausted that you set a ten minute timer for a quick nap (not that I've done that every day for the past week) and you can also ask God to give you energy for the next few hours. You can be mentally spent and at the same time ask Him to lead you and hear His voice telling you this is the way, walk in it.
He is good. He is faithful. He provides.
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There was one line of Jackies message that I've thought about so much these past few days and it's worth repeating here. She was speaking of her own message and struggles and she said it's all going to be ok. He rose from the grave....it's going to be ok.
And it seems so simple but that's enough to encourage the heck out of me for this season that we're in. Sometimes life seems overwhelming but you know what? It's gonna be ok. It's all going to be OK!
Christianity is set apart from every other world religion because we have a risen Savior who got out of a grave. And that therefore is where we place our hope.
Even when it seems like everything is falling apart, it can't fall beyond what He can redeem.
So I'm just here to remind you that this week when it seems that you're heavy with the weight of life on your shoulders, remember to look up to the One who lived, died and rose again to give us victory.
That is where your strength will come from.
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