A Beautiful REAL Sunday

The Lords day has always been a favorite of mine. Even if, at least for a few times in my life, that might have been just because I considered it a command that mama rest on that day.

That might have sounded something like, "Any further requests should be made known to your dad. I am now off duty taking a nap."

But that's neither here nor there really because the point is yesterday I found myself in complete awe and appreciation of REAL worship, REAL church. And what I saw was so much more than a Sunday.

That's what makes the Lord's day so special, when the church disassembles after the Sabbath and and tears down the four walls taking the heart of the Gospel into real life Monday.

And as the church stood and sang, "Amazing grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me..." I stood in holy awe of the crazy amount of amazing grace surrounding me, surrounding all of us sitting there in the beautiful country church pews.

Amazing grace has saved us all.

One family after another stood alongside each other, blended together by God's grace in a sin infested world which leaves plenty of room for the church to open arms and adopt others into the family of God. More than any Sunday I've noticed in a while, the families yesterday looked like a big colorful quilt stitched together with so many fabrics, many of them undoubtedly stained with life, with sin, in need of the red blood of a Savior to wash them clean.

When you put flesh and bones on the Spirit living inside of us and walk out the commands to (Luke 14:33) forsake all and follow Me....you see things that look like Jesus living and walking among us. You see foster mama's wiping little noses, young men helping the elderly and sweet church mothers speaking to the one that no one has ever seen walk through those doors before. Because we carry His Spirit inside of us, that's what we're called to do.

We're food to the hungry, water to the thirsty, clothes to the naked, a father to the fatherless and more.

If we fail to do that? We're not much more than a social gathering of people singing songs and exchanging pleasantries. But if we do, we are living out His purpose and not our own...because He has saved us and called us to a holy life-not because of anything we have done but because of His own purpose and grace 2 Timothy 1:9.

It all struck a chord with me yesterday because we sit on the eve of what could be the literal jumping in the pool for our family.

We're called to reach out, we're ready and we're waiting for that open door.

That's so much easier to do when you're surrounded by the incredible faith of others who are living the example in front of you.

So when the preacher read from Matthew chapter twenty five about doing for the least of these my heart beat a little faster with the anticipation of leaving Sunday and living it out the rest of the week, the rest of our lives.

I can't do only religion anymore-I have to have relationship because the God I serve is REAL. He lives inside of us, He walks among us and we are here to be His representatives.

I can't wait to live out the rest of this week and see what He has right around the corner.

It's going make standing in those aisles, worshipping this wondrous God I serve all the more amazing next Sunday.

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When Life As Usual Isn't Good Enough Anymore

For quite some time now we've been good.

Life is comfortable, we're in a groove and the kids are well. Who could ask for more right?

Well, we are.

I was sitting at my desk (otherwise known as the kitchen table) Monday when I got a phone call that would change us forever.

Quite some time ago, Tim and I felt the Lord leading us to become foster parents. We went through the classes and the home study. We're now approved, we're just waiting.

Patience has never been a virtue of mine so while one might think that we're in the home stretch of preparation, I think I've only just begun.

Getting to this point didn't happen overnight. We've been talking to other families and seeking Godly counsel on this subject for years. The one piece of advice that we've heard again and again (I particularly remember Jon Croyle telling me this at a Lifeway conference when I met him two years ago) is that a yes is a yes, a no is a no and a maybe is a no. If you're ninety-nine percent in, don't do it.

You have to give these kids one hundred percent.

That was all good and fine and I am in agreement even now with the theory.

But in real life this not knowing thing, this ninety nine percent thing-well it's hard. Really, really hard.

I have been praying that we would get a clear yes or no call and on Monday we got a ninety-nine.

We talked about it, prayed about it and talked some more. We went back and forth with placement and gathered as much info as we could. We sought the advice of others who have gone this way before.

And when we weren't clear we did the only thing we knew to do.....we put it solely in God's hands. We were open to taking them, but we wanted to know for sure they were the littles that God is guiding to our home. The ones that we are supposed to take care of, support and love with open arms.

So we laid it all out on the line and within just a little while they were placed with another family. Our answer was no.

I was numb. I thought for sure it would have been a yes and while my mama's heart just wanted to hold these girls and love on them, God's heart said, "I have a different plan."

I stood at the kitchen sink yesterday morning with so many questions in my mind that I didn't even know what to pray. When I finally said, "God I'm afraid we might have made this a little too hard," He spoke ever so gently back to my heart, "Is anything too hard for God?!"

I know He's right, nothing is too hard for him. If He intended for us to parent those girls, He would have sent them our way.

The emotions in my heart and the knowledge in my head that God's way is always, always, always best have been hard to connect this week. Yet I won't stop trusting, I won't stop believing and I will always be confident of this one thing-He is good and He knows what was best for those girls way better than I do.

So now?

Now I wait for a little missing piece of the puzzle that I can pour myself into, feed, clothe and know for sure that completely, absolutely without the shadow of a doubt has been placed into our home for such a time as this.

My heart had to be broken into shattered pieces this week to be molded back into the woman that God can use for His glory as a foster mom.

Now my heart....

My heart is laid bare and open before the Father, beating wildly outside of my chest in the form of another little person that I am so anxious to love.

Oh, little one hundred, may the Father bring you to us soon. I am so ready to help you mend your broken pieces too.

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A Whole Hand

Today you are five my dear.

When we woke up you wanted to make colored pancakes. Because, of course.

I knew five years ago that this would be awesome, this sharing life with a little girl. But I had no idea just how awesome it was going to be. 

Five years in and we are in full on royal mode at this house.

You are our Princess and we adore you. 

Right before your fifth birthday party started, you had an impromptu dance party listening to Disney music. It was beautiful.

I hope you are able to dance through the good times and bad and stay this carefree forever.

I'm thankful that we decided to celebrate your birthday the Saturday before instead of the Saturday after because currently, on this Thursday of you turning five, the stomach bug has found it's way back into our house.

We got to eat our cake (and keep it down) dance along with you, celebrate with you and hopefully you realized just how loved you are Miss Q.

We celebrated as REAL LIFE royalty, paper plates and all.

I wouldn't trade one minute of it, or one minute with you, for anything and everything in the world.

Happy birthday little princess.

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A Letter to my Daughter

She turns five this week and it doesn't seem possible.

It seems that just last week I was feeding her bottles and washing onesies in Dreft. Then all of a sudden I turn around and chase that baby into preschool and realize that she isn't so little anymore.

Turning five is big.

Independence is through the roof, conversations are hilarious, the anticipation of Kindergarten has her already wishing time away and I am clinging to every minute.

It's like trying to hold sand in your hands. Time slips right through your fingers and disappears.

So, on the eve of a new era for my girl, here are mama's thoughts and wishes.

Dear Miss Q,

I've heard that you're now in the golden years of childhood and I think I heard right.

We celebrated you turning a whole hand this past Saturday and my heart was filled with joy. 

You danced in circles to Disney music, busted a piñata (cried a little when you didn't get much candy,) played pin the pony tail on Elsa and we all ate way too many sweets. It was splendid.

Your official turning of four to five isn't until 1:30 pm Thursday but the celebration has already begun and is in full swing at our house. 

You are our princess and we want to honor you.

I remember thinking you were going to be a boy (that's what the ultrasound had said at first) and to be honest I was a tad bit disappointed. It wasn't that I didn't fully enjoy all the energy and fun brought on by our little mister, it was just that I wanted someone that I could share life with and enjoy all things pink. 

They say it's wrong to be your child's friend and I'm still trying to figure out what all of that looks like because honestly, at five years old, you are already my little BFF. While I want to shepherd you well I want to enjoy you well too. 

We usually go to lunch together a few times a week, I braid your hair and you play with mine too. We paint our nails and both share a love for a good book. There's no way you could understand this yet but you have a little children's bible and it's much deeper than the rest. That's the one you always want me to read to you and when I'm finished with one story you always want one more. You are your mother's child.

I'm honestly contemplating taking you with me to a Living Proof Live event in the summer-because although we love the beach (going in two weeks) Disney world and all things fun, I can already see an interest in your little mind and while you're  curious I want you to grasp at a young age that there is SO MUCH MORE! How wide and how deep and how high is the love of Christ. (Ephesians 3:14-21.)

I want you to know that you are a priceless treasure, known by Him before you were even known to me (Psalm 139:13) and that in His Kingdom you are able to accomplish whatever your life is going to ask of you (Phil 4:13.)

Right now your little world is fun and light and carefree. While I wish it would stay that way forever, you will reach an age soon enough that will make you realize that everyone and everything in this world isn't good. And I want you to know that that is ok....Christ knew it would be like this and He has given us His Holy Spirit to help us overcome bad people and bad days and any bad thing you might encounter.

And everything bad will never go completely away until we finally get to the place we're meant to be-where everything is always good and sparkly and pink. A kingdom where we are all Princes and Princess and our Kingdom is forever secure.

So on this week as you turn from four to five and next year as five turns into six and before you blink you're fifteen and learning to drive and started to wonder why a certain boy has your attention all of a sudden-I want you to know that mama will be there for you through it all.

More than that HE will be there with you through it all and actually He'll even be there when mama can't.

You already do such a sweet thing when you are having a bad day-you just say, "Jesus, Jesus" over and over. You're on the right track big girl.

Keep repeating His name over and over and keep shining his glorious light bright to all those around you. 

Never let anyone in this world rob you of your joy, Miss Q. "May the God of hope fill you Quinley with all joy and peace as you trust in him so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the holy spirit." Romans 15:13

You have a sweet soul, a kind little spirit and I want to encourage you to always "keep your chin up girl," too many people lost their joy and never find it again.

Oh sweet girl, if you only knew how much mama loves you.

Everything about you from the way your blonde hair shines, to the little freckles on your nose and especially the way that you still let me rock you and love on you-oh girl....I find it all fascinating.

You are loved. You are chosen. You are mine.

Happy birthday week Miss Quinley. May this be your best year yet!

Love,
Mama

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